Angry 4:30am Rant

It's 4:31am and I am angry.

I have made it through the extreme sadness, cant eat, cant get off the couch phase, and now I'm angry.

I am angry that for the 4th night in a row, you've been a part of my dreams where talking to you is like talking to a brick wall.

I am angry that unless I initiate some kind of contact, you probably never would.

I am angry that you tell me that you care about me. You tell me at least we're friends. Yet, I've never been treated like a friend by you.

I am angry with myself for giving too much, sharing too much, caring too much. I trusted you and gave you alot of my life and myself that I dont just give to anyone, and for what? A door slammed in my face without explanation.

I am angry that I have to be so upset by this.

I am angry that it was so easy for you to walk away and never turn around. Ever.

I am angry that I could be treated so disrespectfully.

I am angry because I feel violated in some pretty deep ways.

I am angry that I am so angry.

I am angry that much of my life now contains this unwashable residue from you. I cant do much of anything without being reminded.

I am angry because it feels like I'm not allowed to talk to you. Again. I thought our agreement was to not slam doors anymore.

I am angry because I let you in when I feel like I shouldnt have if it was going to turn out this way.

I am angry because I dont understand. I get that you dont know, or at least that's what you tell me, but I can still be angry about it.

I am angry that it still has to hurt this bad.

I am angry because you keep coming into my dreams. Sleeping is the one and only chance I have to escape my sadness, my frustration, my heartache, and my anger. You wont talk to me in real life, but you wake me up at 4:30am...

I am angry because I thought getting this out of me on here would make me feel better, but it just makes me feel more angry that it didnt.