Connections

My recent blogs have been heavy and full of emotion. I have found that writing affords me a space to emote in ways that feel relieving and safe. I am able to convey what's truly inside in ways that I can't in talking it out. It has been extremely therapeutic and every now and then I laugh to myself because while I am extremely picky and guarded about who I talk to and how much I tell them, I can write my whole life in such intricate and descriptive detail for anyone...ANYONE...to read, and feel relatively at peace with this.

I've made some big changes in my life recently. In recent weeks - or week even, I made yet another change that I feel truly closed the door on a very challenging series of moments I was enduring. Closing this door has given me my freedom back. It's given me my full range of happiness and calm back. It's given me my own sense of self back. With a change in jobs, a new place to live, acceptance into a PhD program, my professional and academic life have been wonderful and new and exciting opportunities await. The new space I now call home is wonderful and is filled with such positive and peaceful energy. Just what I need! And I've cleaned up my personal life alot, and as a result, I think I've tuned into myself more. I've been talking more openly and honestly with a few people close to me about all of this and I have realized alot about myself and my patterns. It's helped reconnect me with me - a constant work in progress, but rather than just going through the steps somewhat disassociated, I am actually completely present as I move through them. I actually feel like this is the happiest I have been in a long time. And while these changes that have been happening in my life are positive, I think it's because I feel much more deeply connected to myself right now than I ever have before.

I am reminded of one of my most favorite movie quotes: "My life as I knew it capsized, and then strangely enough, righted itself."

I am getting ready to travel to San Francisco this weekend for work. I'll be gone for a week. It just struck me today how I will be going back to the place that marked my first re-entry back into the US from Korea back in August. I never got to explore the town, I just had a 3 hour layover at the airport. I am excited to see all that San Francisco has to offer. Having never been outside the airport, it is a place that feels familiar to me. I never thought for a moment about the connection and meaning of this place with my travels back from Korea. It surprised me a bit of how it just popped into my head. Right now my thoughts on this sound like a constant buzzing or whirring. I can't quite pull out the various pieces. I just know that something's stirring. I think it will be interesting to see how things unfold while I am there.

As I've been moving into a more centered place in my life, it's allowed me to think more about my Korea trip, my adoptee identity, and I've let myself ask questions to the Universe. I don't find any solid answers of course, but the curious side of me is coming out and I feel strong enough to actually wonder, aloud at times, the wonders I have about these connections in my life. It feels good to tune in to me. I also have had some pretty incredible support - support that has been right in front of my face for a long time - I just never tuned into that frequency.

Onward I go.