The Bicycle Constant

On the night - or early morning perhaps - before I push off into that first mile of what will likely be somewhere around 1400 miles over the next 20 days, I have been thinking much about this last year of my life. It's been quite a story. While driving all over town today running various last minute errands and spending so much more money than I have in preparation for this trip, my mind wandered back through this last year to August 2010. As I was sitting at my dining room table with an impressive spread of bike gear laid out in front of me, overwhelmed at the daunting task of packing it all up in bike bags, and gear bags for the sag-wagon (aka my mom and our good family friend, Helene), I tip-toed myself into those nooks and crannies buried deep into the depths of my brain, again, reminiscing the last 12 months of my life.

August to August has given me quite the journey. I've navigated many complex identities, some of which are still evolving. I made big life changes and decisions that will end up impacting me the rest of my life. I was scared and uncertain, and with much nervousness, I went with where the Universe seemed to be directing me. I experienced so much emotional turmoil as I headed back to the place of my birth in search of meaning, answers, a sense of peace and completeness, and experiences to fill a void I have carried with me my whole life. The last year saw the ending of one job, the beginning of another, and preparation to enter a doctoral program this fall. Relationships over the last year have been extremely complicated and painful, yet enriching and affirming at the same time. I think I've cried more over this past year than I have my whole life - perhaps combined! I've felt heartache. I've felt frustrations and loneliness. I've healed and found peace in some areas. I've grown and allowed curiosity to take my hand in exploring just who it is I am. I've found new happiness in a new relationship with new confidence and trust. I mended old wounds, reacquainted with people from my past, and enjoyed surrounding myself with good friends new and old.

This morning, as I was on my final training ride - an easy 20 miles to save my legs - I stopped by an overlook and watched the Mississippi flow gently by. The waters seemed to roll on through - heavy and lazy - perhaps not yet awake. The air was fresh with just a hint of heaviness as the humidity has come slithering back. Without a breeze, I could feel the thickness encase my skin. With the late rush hour traffic whirring about in the background, my ears tuned into a cicada and the silence in between the various urban morning noises. I thought about this upcoming trip and what it signifies to me. Throughout so much - especially this last year, my bicycle has been my constant. I have ridden it through many experiences and emotions. I have had moments of intense clarity and realization while riding my bike. I biked through intense sadness and feelings of being so alone. Biking through my emotions and thoughts has allowed me to grow and heal in some ways. I have allowed my body to experience its natural process and way as my legs pushed me for miles. In addition to emotional workouts, physically I have also transformed in many ways. Mostly due to intentional training for this ride, I have pushed my body through the cold, the heat, the humidity, the rain, and the wind. I have felt the most brutal pain and misery on my bike, yet continued to push through. I've worked hard to bring myself up to a level of cycling that I feel is necessary to successfully complete this ride. Even so, this will still be the most physically challenging thing I have ever done.

For the next 20 days I will be riding around the perimeter of Lake Superior. No matter what the weather conditions are, unless severe weather is threatening, I will ride. The terrain will be hilly no doubt - perhaps even mildly mountainous through Canada. I'll be dodging road kill, potholes, and other vehicles not paying attention to me on the side of the road. I'll be eating more than my fair share of bugs, and will do my very best to minimize chaffing from long days in the saddle! I am hoping for a bit cooler temperatures and less humidity near the lake, but, who knows. I am also hoping to keep flat tires and other mechanical issues to a minimum. Winded, lungs burning, legs aching, feet screaming, neck failing - I will roll into each new stop at the end of the day ready for a big plate of pasta and a good night's sleep, only to get up and do it all over again the next day. All of the miseries that I am sure will come at some points during this ride will all be a part of this incredible experience to ride with my heart, as I always do when I get on my bike, in an area of the country that has always held such meaning to me. I have many points of inspiration to draw on when things are challenging. For 20 days I will give myself to Lake Superior and all its beauty and magic, and to the Universe to take care of me and my two-wheeled friend as we embark on another trip of a lifetime. Once again, and in many ways quite literally too, I am completing yet another important circle in my life. I think this may be the most healing and transformative trip yet!