And Then There Were Two

I'm holding on to this place as hard as I can and no matter how much I change up my grip, tighten up one hand as I relax the other and vice versa, or shift my weight to pull the strain off my weakening hands, I feel it slipping. My hands shake, my body shakes as I try to keep this part of me completely and intentionally coated all over my surface in a never-ending abundance so that as it seeps in to me, there will always be more. I never want to forget this place. I need to feel and experience Korea just as I do now existing physically in its embracing arms when I am back in Minnesota. The routine of life has a tendency to water down and wash away. My fear is that the salience of this journey will fade over time no matter how conscious I am of making sure to keep Korea a part of my every day life even while not being here.

Like a kid being ripped away from the candy store - for that moment, life is over and nothing seems fair. How will I go on? And as always, the world will keep on turning, I'll keep on living and being. But right now, I'm in that moment of having my candy store taken away from me. I feel like there should be some kind of closure but I'm not sure what that is. As much as my mind is running over the processes of tomorrow - waking up, packing up the last of my things, checking out, getting to the airport, getting our boarding passes, getting on the plane, enduring the long flight, making it through customs, making it to our next flight back to Minnesota, getting home, etc., etc., I am still deeply saddened to be leaving without feeling like I got anywhere near my fill of this place.

We said goodbye to more friends tonight. From the end of The Gathering to this moment, our group has gotten smaller and smaller. I feel the connections I've made will forever be imprinted into my life and my way of being from this point forward and it's hard to not be able to have these people close by to go out on the town and/or process our experiences. Some of us have gone back to our own corners of the world and tomorrow, some more of us will. We came together for this incredible journey and are slowly being carried off by the winds - scattered across the world.

I remember getting to Korea and thinking there would be more of a culture shock. I've felt more at home here most of the time than I ever have in Minnesota. I think it will be more of a shock coming back to the United States. I can just imagine getting off the plane in San Francisco and having everything be in English - I wont have to struggle through communicating about food or beverages. I wont have to worry about not being able to read signage. I'll have internet access fully available on my phone and will be constantly back in touch with the world. I'll be surrounded by white people and suddenly I'll be the minority again. I'll be back where time is super linear and there seems to be more of an order to things than there are here - even with something as simple as walking down the sidewalk. Everything will be easy for me to access. It's a strange place to be to be so uncomfortable with being comfortable!

It is early Monday morning in Korea and this will be my last blog post from here. To say it's been an incredible, life-changing experience is beyond an understatement. I feel this trip has turned me into a different person in so many ways and has given me perspectives I didnt even know were there. This trip has also taught me the best and most flawless lessons in how to be in life - letting go of expectations, investing emotional energy in that that will only make me stronger and wiser, and having faith in myself and in the Universe. This journey has also allowed me to fully complete my life circle and I leave Korea knowing that I did indeed meet and realize parts of who I am and who I was that I had not yet been acquainted with. What a priceless and beautiful thing.

I'm sure I'll be back to this blog periodically as I continue to move through my life and process all that has happened and all that will continue to evolve for me as time goes on. For now though, thanks to all of those who have come on this trip with me through this blog and in your own ways. I came to touch Korea. Korea has touched me. Thank you all for the tremendous love and support. Signing off from Korea at 1:08am Monday morning. See you all soon.