My Skin Bleeds

toxic, poisonous words
they cut through me like a dull, rusty blade
slow, jagged, painful, burning, piercing
the pain is slow and constant
just when i think my body has gone numb to it, a sudden jolt

actions illustrating your ignorance and hate
it was never about me too
it was always about them over there
i wasnt like them
i always thought i was safe, but my safety was in silence and invisibility

did you ever see me?
what did you see of me?
did i fit into your mold or did you appreciate my shape?
what do i have to do to have a true existence in your eyes?
what do you have to do to accept the existence i carve out for myself?

i dont see your brown skin unless i'm envious of your tan.
i dont see your Asian features, unless i'm eroticizing you.
i dont consider you Korean unless you bring it up, and even then, i still don't.
i dont understand your genderqueerness unless i'm objectifying you and silencing your pain.
i dont see your adoptee identity for what it is because at least you're not one of "those Asians."

what will remain of me if i just disappear?
memories of me won't even be about who i really am
they will be about who you've always constructed me to be
silence and invisibility have kept me on this side of the line
silence and invisibility have opened deep painful wounds and salt gets poured in

i feel your hate and ignorance more than i ever have before
the ripping pain of that jagged oppressive blade is cutting me open
your poison and toxicity is consuming my entire being and i am drowning
and there is nowhere for me to find the desperate breaths i need
nowhere for me to cry because it hurts

my skin bleeds for the pain to stop
my skin bleeds out the poison
my skin bleeds so that you can see that which has been invisible for so long
my skin bleeds for me to see that which has been invisible for so long
my skin bleeds to be seen