When I Touch the Land in Korea

I've been in Korea now for about 24 hours. It feels like alot longer than that! I've been saying the jet lag hasnt really affected me, but just looking at what I just typed, maybe it's getting to me more than I thought.

All leading up to any moment on this trip I had always said how I was removing any expectation, hope, assumption, etc. from myself because I wanted to be able to experience everything as wholly, completely, and authentically as possible and the only way for me to do that was to be completely open to anything that came and/or happened. What's about to follow, even as I think about it so I'm sure as I type it too, seems rather bizarre and anti-climatic now that I am here, but then I suppose that would speak to expectations I did have. I mean, I'm only human and you could say this trip is kinda a big deal! It may also speak to exhaustion on so many levels just sort of running my life at the moment.

Thoughts before I left the US:

This is not my life. This thought maintained a constant level of decibels in my head to drown out any other thought I could have been having as I wheeled my luggage through the airport to the check-in counter. This kind of thing doesnt happen to me and if it does, it would be the event of the year, my name would be in gold, and there would be parades and celebrations and cheering. But something of this caliber (leaving for Korea sans party) doesnt just happen in my life after 3 hours of sleep, lists consuming and suffocating me, and the doughnut I inhaled pissing my stomach off. As I made my way through all the procedural activities at the airport, the constant thought of this is not my life kept me pretty separated from most of the anxiety I would have had with navigating my way through security, in and out of restrooms, etc. I just blankly went through the motions probably operating under some level of shock. I'm just not sure. Even at this moment I'm not sure.

Once we got to Chicago and again made it through all of the checkpoints with relative ease, I boarded the largest airplane I had ever been on. Marveling at the size, the various amenities, the technology, etc., kept my mind preoccupied from what this plane was about to do for me.

As we taxied onto the runway, I remember looking at the cars on the highway as they buzzed by. It was like watching an densely populated ant hill. There was alot of scurrying and chaos on the ground and out there. But, it was out there while I sat in my window seat taking in the last scenes from the US. I was still really calm and somewhat serene as once again, many emotions coursed through my body and I could feel just a small lump in my throat and the slightest mist fill my eyes as I realized this is really happening right now. I'm really on this plane. I'm really going to Korea. Me. I get to do this. There is no turning back now. I am locked into this plane for the next almost 14 hours.

As the plane gained speed for take off, I remember feeling every bump in the runway. I held on to this feeling as it was comforting and familiar in that I was still on the ground. I was still in the states. As we passed the Fed Ex planes, I felt our plane lift off the ground and that moment is forever locked inside me as uninhibited clarity about what was happening. I am leaving this land, this country, this region, that has been home all of my life for the home in which I came from but know nothing about.

Entering the plane and being greeted in Korean, having the flight attendants address me in Korean and giggle when I muttered out English in response, and hearing them or the captain make announcements over the plane's PA system and have no idea what was being said was a strange realization that I was not in Kansas anymore!...er Chicago...er Minnesota...Being the last to know what's going on, what's happening, what's being said if I even get to know at all was an interesting experience for me. It was a very very small taste of what people from other cultures have to endure in our country. I began to understand the enormity of this challenge as I realized my privilege around language - something I havent thought much about as is the territory by any privilege.

Thoughts from Korea:

When we first exited the plane and came in to the airport, I know we were both expecting it to be really busy with lots of people bustling around and alot of commotion and chaos. The airport was pretty empty and still. Quite the homecoming I'll say. Not the party I had imagined! We got our bags, exchanged our money, made it through customs, and got to the hotel. Checked in. No big deal. It definitely did not seem like we were in another country. All of the airport staff, shuttle drivers, and hotel staff spoke English so there was no real language barrier. I didnt pay for anything my first night here so I didnt have to deal with the money. And today, as I sat in the symposium and looked around at all the Korean faces I saw and remembering all of the Korean faces I saw last night out on the town and this afternoon as I wandered the tunnels in our hotel, I still didnt feel like I was in Korea. I'm used to seeing alot of Asian faces especially where I work at the U of M.

At lunch today I grabbed some soup at this cafe in the tunnels. This was the first thing I paid for with my newly acquired Korean money. No big deal. I had to do some quick looking because 1000 won here is roughly $1 in US money. I see all the zeros and my brain automatically translates it to $1000. That throws me off every time so far. Looking out the hotel window and seeing downtown is like looking at any major downtown I've been to in the states. Even with all the Korean writing on all the buildings - I don't know. Maybe it's because I've seen enough Hangul in recent months that I'm used to the characters. I dont know what they mean yet, but they aren't new to me.

What is hard is not being able to be in as direct of communication as I want to be with people both here and back in the states. That's another thing I havent gotten used to yet. It's so easy at home to text, call, jump on Facebook, email, etc. Here, I have limited access to internet and can't access email or Facebook on my phone because I'm in roaming. I can still send and receive text messages from people in the states, but it's really expensive. But even with this challenge, it STILL doesnt seem like I'm here. The symposium today brought up some thoughts for me about my identities that I have and claim currently in my life and what that means to Korea and to me being in Korea. I'll write more about that later after I've had a chance to wrap my head around them. For now, although it has felt very anti-climatic, I'm ok with this as I believe in relinquishing as much conscious expectations, assumptions, etc. before I left, that this is how I am truly experiencing this experience right now.

Today, this is how it's supposed to be. I'm where I'm supposed to be.